


HI KI KO MORI

by Broba



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Social Anxiety, hikikomori
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-23
Updated: 2012-05-23
Packaged: 2017-11-05 21:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/411431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broba/pseuds/Broba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dirk is a hikikomori"- quite a nice little prompt, so I thought I'd have a bash at it. This is one of those stories I think of as a snapshot- a lot has happened before it, and will happen after it, we only get a glimpse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HI KI KO MORI

  
  
Dirk smiled wanly and drummed his fingers across the keyboard. _Sure,_ he typed, _we should meet. We'll get loud, it'll be real. Another time though I got a thing._ He always had a thing. He had, one might say, all the things. All of them.  
  
Dirk pushed himself away from his screen and shuffled to his feet, pulling the thin grey blanket tighter around his shoulders. He padded across the floor in bare feet to his cupboard and pulled down some cans and a loaf of white sliced. He sat down, popped open a can and started to shovel cold beans into his mouth with a scoop of bread. He licked his fingers and got back to typing.  
  
Life had found a comfortable rhythm after the madness that was The Game. It was all over and done with, but the constant tension never quite left. The players had gone most of their lives with the vague uneasy knowledge at the back of their minds that something terrible was coming. Learning to live without fear had not been easy. Dirk stared into the garish yellow and black maw of his pesterchum window and sighed. Time to be sociable. He hit up a few friends and chatted away a pleasant evening. It was fun, it was a party.  
  
There was a familiar chime from the screen. It was Jake again. Dirk frowned and leant back in his chair. He knew what was coming, of course he did. He casually absconded from pesterchum and turned off the screen. He would talk to Jake soon enough, the guy had been all over him like fat beats on a thin groove ever since The Game and Dirk couldn't even bring himself to like it. There was a difference somehow to knowing that however much he might secretly be pining for the little chump he was impossibly, ludicrously, far away in time and space and knowing that Jake was right there, just a bus ride away. He couldn't handle that.  
  
Jake was closer then he thought. Dirk lived in a large ramshackle building on the outskirts of town and Jake hopped off the bus down the street and clicked his phone closed.  
“Absconded, my backside!” He muttered. The driver gave him a bored look and Jake nodded politely. “Many thanks my man, capital driving there!”  
“Sure.”  
“Well,” Jake sighed, “I suppose this is goodb-” The bus door clacked shut violently and the vehicle pulled away with a resentful cough of diesel. “Gosh, manners cost nothing you know!”  
  
The place was imposing and dark. It was a building that had seen better days and the comings and goings of many residents. The entire lower floor had once been subdivided into various small businesses and workshops, with storage areas above. Mostly it was abandoned now, no wonder Dirk could manage the rent on whatever coin he was scraping together nowadays. Jake pushed open the wide main door with a grunt and let himself in. There once would have been a superintendent on duty but not any more. Set into one wall was a matrix of post boxes for the current residents, most of them hung open like little black mouths. Jake approached and ran his eyes over them, counting under his breath. One of the boxes, locked shut, was simply emblazoned with a crudely drawn pair of pointy animé shades on the paper slip where the name of the resident went. Jake took note of the number and pressed on to the stairwell, he knew better then to try the elevator.  
  
He went up fully three floors before he saw it, a movement out of the corner of his eye. Jake span and crouched, his nineteen in his hand before he knew it. He found himself staring coldly at the metallic form of yet another Dirkbot as it sloughed into view around a corner. The thing must have been just stood there waiting for someone to come by. They weren't often the soul of wit but this particular robot seemed even more reticent then usual. It raised a hand in a half-heated greeting.  
  
Jake stood up and holstered his weapon under his coat where it left a barely perceptible lump under his armpit.  
“Something I can help you with, chief?” He smiled warmly.  
The robot looked left and right, it seemed to be deciding on something.  
“Well anyway, I'm just here to see Dirk. You know? The original?”  
The robot lowered it's face a little. Though its' rigid mien was entirely inexpressive it portrayed the idea that it was against the prospect of Jake going on.  
  
Jake frowned and very deliberately turned his back on the dratted automaton, he was in no mood. He took another step before with a blur of motion and a squeal of protesting metal joints crying out for oil it was in front of him, and put a metal hand to his chest.  
“Now see here,” said Jake slowly, “I'm not in the market for trouble so you'd better just shut up shop and wheel your barrow home, friend.”  
The robot didn't move. Jake did.  
  
Dirk was shaken out of his doze by the distinctive crack of small-arms fire and pounding feet. With a curse he turned to his bank of monitors and brought up the view from several of the Dirkbots he had stationed around. He immediately saw Jake rolling across the screen and opening fire before the screen dissolved into static. Dirk groaned, he had a few more of them approaching the ruckus but they wouldn't hold Jake for too long if he was really determined. Since The Game he had been forced to develop a grudging respect for the skills of the boy adventurer, the days when one of his constructs could beat Jake down were long past.  
  
As another Dirkbot rounded on Jake, Dirk kicked in the mike with a crackle and addressed his friend directly through his proxy.  
“Jake, man, what the fuck?”  
“Dirk! About time I heard the straight skinny from the horse's mouth! What the willikers are these clanking flibbertigibberts all about, hey?”  
“Dude, come back with subtitles or something, I don't talk foreign.”  
“Don't try to hornswoggle me, Strider! I want in, so tell your chrome ranger here to back off or I'll make a colander of him!”  
“Guess you would, at that. Nice moves, by the way.”  
Jake grinned broadly, “you think? Because I was afraid I was out of practice!”  
“Hell no, you're sharp as ever and then some. I got to kick in some hella upgrades on my boys here to give you a challenge. Tell you what, give me a week and I'll show you some seriously badasss robo-beatdown.”  
“Nice try, but I'm not for turning, Strider! Are you going to let me in or do you and I have a falling out?”  
Dirk clucked his tongue and went silent. Jake found himself staring into the impassive eye-plate of a robot for quite a little longer then he had expected. He was afraid that Dirk was going to call his bluff and straight up tell him to get lost, but finally there was another click as the mike came on again.  
“Fine, come on up.”  
  
The door to Dirk's apartment was firmly bolted. Jake noted that there were a few envelopes stuffed under the door- notices, bills, a couple of missives from the landlord no doubt. There was a ponderous series of clicks as heavy bolts were shot back and the door opened to darkness. Jake stepped in gingerly, he saw nothing. Behind him the door was closed by another of the dratted robots, this one was barely three feet tall and used a small retractable stepladder to reach up to the bolts as it locked the door again. Jake waited for it to put the stepladder away, and it looked up at him expectantly. It was like a little metal child, sporting the ubiquitous scarlet shades.  
“Well! What's your name, little fellow?”  
“Ass. It's me, Dirk.” The automaton answered him- another microphone.  
“Aren't you going to come meet me yourself?”  
“I told you over and over, I'm buy with shit, bro. Look do you need a drink or something? Lil' Dirk here can hook you up.”  
“You aren't going to meet me?”  
“Well shit what you want, a pat on the ass and man-hugs? I got shit going down here, I can't be everywhere at once. You're just lucky to get into the Dirkdome at all, is what I'm sayin'. Be grateful.”  
Jake followed the little butlerbot to a tiny lounge and sat himself on the couch, there was a crinkle of newspaper under him. The place was clean enough but dark, it barely looked lived in at all.  
“Dirk?” Jake called out, “are you even in here? If this is some kind of double-bluff and you're actually in a secret underground lair in Indochina I'm going to find you!”  
“You got me. Secret underwater lair, for reals. The princess is in another castle.”  
Jake sat up and looked around. “So?”  
“So what?”  
“Well aren't you going to come out? Peek around a door jamb? Wave round a corner?”  
There was no answer at first. Jake shifted position a little, it was starting to get weird. Weird by Dirk's standards.  
“Look,” Dirk sighed, “is there something you need? I'm sorry I just, do you want something man?”  
“I wanted to see you.”  
“I'll send you a photo.”  
“Dirk...”  
  
The butlerbot made a strange little nodding motion and deactivated. Jake looked over his shoulder at the sound of a creak, and a door opened behind him. The room within was darkened. Jake got up and approached slowly, expecting at any moment yet another robot or some such nonsense, but surprisingly he saw Dirk himself materialist from the gloom. He was looking as pale as ever, and had a grubby white blanket shrugged around his shoulders. Stood in the entrance awkwardly, he looked like a lost prophet. Jake approached him and he thought for a moment that Dirk was going to flinch away, so he stopped and they faced each other at arms' length.  
“Dirk?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I never thought I'd see you look nervous about anything,”  
Dirk shrugged, he didn't reply.  
“What's going on, Dirk? This isn't you at all. Why do you never come out and see anyone?”  
“I talk to you guys all the time.”  
“I don't mean like that and you know it. Why are you always in here?”  
Dirk sighed and ran his tongue over his teeth thoughtfully. He stroked a palm casually over the wooden surround of the door, staring at his fingertips.  
“You don't get it, man.”  
“What's to get? I'm listening, tell me.”  
“This... hey you know, you said this isn't me? Well it really is. This has always been me, this is what I do.”  
“Sit on your own in a dark room?”  
Another shrug.  
“Dirk?”  
“What? C'mon what do you want from me? I spent my whole life like this, you know? All that,” he made a vague waving motion, “the shit out there. I don't know any of that, it's all, different you know? What am I supposed to do out there?”  
“What? What do you want to do?”  
“I just want to be like it used to be. We were talkin' to each other for years man, and it was good! What was so wrong with that? It all made sense. I used to have a plan.”  
“Sure you did! And it was a great plan, we survived didn't we?”  
“We I never asked to survive!” Dirk shouted, “I never figured on what I'd do after it all. I always just thought that sooner or later I'd be makin' my badass last stand against the Condesce and that would be it!” His voice dropped, perilously close to cracking, “I never thought I'd end up having to do anything more then just get you guys through the game. I never wanted more then that.”  
  
Jake's face fell, as the pieces came together. Dirk had always been the most focussed of any of them on getting through the game. Without him Jake was sure they wouldn't have made it, he had never given any thought to what a burden it must have been to maintain that level of focus. Dirk had pushed every other concern out of his mind, no wonder it was hard for him to be faced with the rest of his life.  
“That sounds pretty rough, fellow.”  
“Pretty rough, yeah.”  
Jake bit his lip, “so, what happens now?”  
“What, you mean now you know the big secret? Ol' Dirk Strider is just the biggest fuck up after all? Shit I dunno. Don't ask me, I am full on the last dude you should ask about anything.”  
“That's only the biggest pile of horseapples!”  
Dirk twitched a narrow smile.  
“Yeah?”  
“And that's about all there is to say about that.”  
“You're a real,” Dirk shrugged, “well you really fuckin' are one.”  
  
Jake smirked. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and lashed out, in a deft motion he plucked the shades away from Dirk’s face. Dirk was so surprised he barely had time to frown. Jake might not have been an anything of Time, but the kid was still fast.  
“Hey! What the fuck!”  
“Look at me in the eyes, Dirk Strider.”  
Dirk glanced up, briefly. Jake was like stone, impenetrable.  
“What?”  
“This-” Jake gestured at the room, “simply will not do.”  
“So what you goin' to do about it?”  
“Hm. Something!”  
“Sounds magical.”  
“Get your coat!”  
Dirk shivered and pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders, shaking his head. “No, I can't. I'm just not ready yet, okay?”  
“Oh come on, don't give me that bilge, we'll just take a quick stroll and-”  
“No!” Dirk snatched at his shades, “you're not listening, fuck you! I need- I'm not going out, okay? Just fuckin' leave it, Jesus! You're such a fuckin' prick!”  
There was a moment of silence between them, Jake bristled, but he knew better to push it. He quietly went back to the couch.  
  
Jake sat with his friend for a time, they talked and shared a little food. The outburst had been like a lightning crack that left the air charged and burnt. They studiously avoided talking about anything that might prick the sensitive wound in their friendship that seemed suddenly to have opened up. Jake excused himself after a polite amount of time and made to leave. Dirk mumbled a few apologies and Jake mumbled back that it didn't matter, but it did. Jake left feeling that he had overplayed his hand and failed, and the concern he had or his friend multiplied. Dirk wasn't going to get any better on his own, and for the first time in years Jake realised that he didn't have any way to help his friend.


End file.
